Contemporary relationships got easier and more difficult at the same time.
Dating apps made it a lot easier to find a person to create a connection with whether that’s solely short-term sexual, or long-term romantic relationships.
However, it’s also an easy way to destroy a relationship.
Whether your gut feeling is telling you, or your partner has been acting a little strange lately, your doubts are a sign you shouldn’t ignore.
You don’t just want to find out whether your partner is using dating apps or not, you also want peace of mind by the end of this ‘searching journey’.
Luckily, besides dating, the internet also made a whole lot of other things easier as well, one of them being finding people on particular platforms such as dating ones.
Well, despite your concern, this isn’t going to be much of a difficult trip!
Here are the 6 most effective ways to find out if your partner is using dating apps/sites:
1. Talk to them
Infidelity statistics have shown an increase in the number of infidelities that occur due to the use of dating apps/sites.
Having a concern that your partner might be using dating apps is almost normalized these days.
One of the most secure ways to find out if your partner is on a dating site/app in a healthy relationship is to ask your partner about it.
Talk to them and see where they’re standing in the relationship.
A few good questions to start such a conversation:
- “I’d like to know where our relationship is headed, that’s why I’m curious to know if you’re still using dating apps or not.”
- “I have a feeling you’re using dating apps… Would you mind helping me clear up my thoughts?”
- “I don’t mean to start an argument but I need you to help me clear up some thoughts in my head… Are you using dating apps?”
The one common point these examples make is a calm approach instead of storming comments that’d lead your partner to have defensive behavior.
Oftentimes, when you trigger your partner’s defensive behavior you also push them into avoiding the truth.
This often stems from the fear they have of your possible reaction to the truth.
So, if you choose the first method to find out if your partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, or even spouse) is using dating apps, make sure you have a calm approach to the conversation.
2. Check their personal devices
If you don’t trust your partner, and they’re showing particularly secretive behavior then you can check their devices to find out if they’re using dating apps.
This is not a healthy way to find out the truth you’re looking for, however, in most scenarios it removes doubt.
Once you got your partner’s personal devices you’ll be looking for:
- A dating app icon on their home screen.
- A dating site on their browser history.
- A secret folder on their home screen.
The dating app icons and names are generally easy to spot and understand their purpose. In this case, you won’t have a hard time recognizing one.
If you can't spot a dating app icon on their home screen you can check their browser history and check for a secure folder.
Once you check their browser history (Chrome, Safari, etc) you’ll be able to see any dating site appear if they’ve been using any.
Another important thing to note is the time that they’ve been using the site on their browser.
Check the dates to not have any misunderstanding of the situation.
You want to avoid accusing them of using dating sites while you weren’t together. That’d be absurd. So, check the dates too.
DON’T FORGET THE DATES!
A secure folder allows you to hide pictures, files, and apps on it. It’s essentially a folder with a password in which you put anything.
An Android Secure Folder icon looks like this:
While an iPhone Secure Folder icon looks something similar to this:
3. Use third-party apps to find their profiles
Using third-party apps often costs a particular price to use if you use them to find your partner on a dating app.
The benefit of using third-party apps is that it allows you to search for your partner on any dating app/site out there.
Some of those apps include:
All it takes is writing your partner’s (wife or husband) name in this form and seeing the results:
Once you get your search results you’ll be seeing if your boyfriend or girlfriend has a dating app or a dating site.
One of the most accurate third-party apps for finding someone on dating apps is Socialcatfish.
That’s because it’s not specifically designed for a particular dating app or site, it shows everything, every dating app/site that your partner could be using.
4. Search their name on particular dating apps/use Google
If your partner is on some of the popular dating apps then you can search for your partner’s name on some of those apps.
Unfortunately, most of those very popular apps such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc. don’t have the option to search for someone specific. You can still know if your boyfriend is on Hinge.
However, you can use a way to search for your partner on Tinder or other apps by using Google.
Searching your partner’s possible dating profile on Google is yet another free method to find out if they’re on online dating platforms.
Since most of the data shown in dating profiles are not public on search engines such as Google, you won’t be able to find your partner’s dating profile by searching their age or location.
What you need to do is search them on Google similar to this example:
Note: Keep in mind that this works only for dating sites, not apps.
You can also use Google Image.
Grab a few pictures that your partner has on social media and ‘drag and drop’ them on Google Image.
If you’re using your phone then you can use Google Lens.
The point of this search is to give it a try and see if you can find something particular that could indicate your spouse/partner is on dating apps/sites.
5. Create a false account on popular dating apps/sites
Since you’re not sure of which dating app your partner might be using, trying out some of the popular dating apps/sites could be a good idea.
It’s a free way of finding out if your partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse) has a dating app/site.
What you want to do is go to the site or download the app you suspect your partner could be using and create a profile.
Once you manage to create your false dating profile you want to adjust your preferences.
Adjusting your preferences on a dating app means setting the preferences on what you’re looking for.
For example, if your partner is 35 years old, then you’ll want to adjust your age preferences to 31-36, or 30-35.
On the other hand, location-wise you can set a minimum distance from your partner’s location to find them easier.
After you’ve set the preferences you’ve got to start swiping until you stumble upon your partner.
Keep in mind that this method is free, however, it can cause you trouble in your relationship.
To use a dating app you need to download the app, and to use a dating site you’ve got to use your browser to use it.
If your partner is having doubts about you too, then this could be ‘the confirmation’ of their doubts.
Be careful and mindful while you do this.
6. Ask a friend for help: keep an eye on the profiles while they swipe
A lot of people have found out their partner is cheating with a little help from a good friend.
If you have single friends who are using dating apps they could help you save quite a lot of effort and money on this one.
Once (and if) your friend finds your partner’s dating profile while swiping, there are three things they can do:
- Share your partner’s profile link with you.
- Screenshot your partner’s profile and send it to you.
- Swipe right to see if the profile is still active.
A lot of dating apps/sites give you the option to share a profile with others.
If your friend finds the dating profile of your partner they can share the link with you so you can see it for yourself and keep it as proof.
The screenshots are good enough proof as well. Just make sure your friend screenshots everything that’s on the profile.
On the other hand, swiping right on your partner’s dating profile can help you find out if the dating profile is active or not.
It’s important that your friend shares ‘the news’ with you, it’ll be enough to help you get rid of the doubts in your head.
What to do if you find out your partner is on dating apps/sites?
Being faced with such a situation can take a toll on you.
No matter how much you suspected, no matter how much your gut feeling told you, once you find out they’ve been using dating apps it still surprises you.
Deep inside while looking for their dating profile you wish that you won’t find anything, you even almost convince yourself that you won’t.
But then the moment comes and it hits you by surprise.
You’re in shock and you can’t seem to wrap your head around it…
There are three basic things you can do when you find out your spouse/partner is on dating apps/sites:
Talk about it. This is up to you, however, it’s good to address the problem.
Getting the news your partner is on dating apps is a bitter experience to face.
It can cause you to feel too many things at once, to think too many things at once, which leads you to feel overwhelmed.
So, if you feel like addressing the situation with your partner, have a moment or two to calm down before doing so.
It’ll help you have a better understanding of why your partner did what they did.
At the very least, it’ll help you have closure.
Make a decision. You’ve calmed down, you’ve talked it through with your partner, and now it’s time to make a decision.
You need to take your time on this one as well.
Again, you just found out your partner is on dating apps, it is a hard pill to swallow.
It’s a form of betrayal and disrespect towards you and the relationship you have together.
On the other hand, you’ve been connected to this person and got used to their presence in your life.
I know, it’s difficult.
However, make a decision that sounds right for YOU. Think it through, and take your time.
Is it worth giving this another try?
Seek therapy/couple’s therapy. Therapy will do you well despite your decision on the situation.
If you decide to move on from the relationship on your own, therapy will help you go through it.
It’ll help you have a better understanding of the state you’re in, why you’re feeling that way, and what you can do to improve it.
On the other hand, if you decide to stay in the relationship and work things out, therapy will play a crucial role in this.
Your trust was betrayed so it’ll take time and effort to get back to zero and for the trust to be regained in the relationship.
If you think it’s worth another try, then make sure you do the right thing together while rebuilding trust and love.
Why is my partner using dating apps/sites?
Some call this a skeevy behavior, some excuse it just fine.
The difference between skeevy and excusable is the reasoning behind their behavior.
Why would someone in a relationship be using a dating profile behind their partner’s back?
Here are the three most common reasons you found your partner on a dating app:
1. They’re looking for other people. The message of dating apps is clear: dating.
Your partner could be looking for a short hook-up or something long-term. The point is, they’re looking for other people besides you.
It’s a harshly told truth, but there isn’t much of an excuse that could be done for their mischievous behavior.
There are plenty of social platforms that give people the opportunity to create friendships.
“I’m looking for friends.” It’s an excuse to cover up the trust betrayal.
Your partner isn’t looking for a friend on dating apps. They’re looking for other people to date or hook up with.
2. They’re seeking validation. Besides the common truth, there’s another reason why some people join dating apps behind their partner’s back while in a relationship:
The need for validation from other people but their partners.
After it’s been a while in the relationship, sometimes the curiosity about the ‘single life success’ starts to arise.
“Would I be a catch if I’d be single?” or “Let’s see what’d be out there if I’d be single.”
Those two lines pretty much describe this need for validation that a person in a relationship seeks out of it.
In some cases, it’s just this curiosity and need, and that’s it.
However, this curiosity can lead to more even if that’s not the intention of the ‘curious partner’.
3. They didn’t delete the dating account properly. Countless inactive dating profiles are floating around dating apps and sites.
The people who got out of those apps didn’t properly delete their accounts.
A lot of people think that deleting the app will also delete your account, and it leads to their profile still wandering around the dating app.
To completely delete a dating profile you need to deactivate the account somewhere in the settings of that app/site.
So, one of the probable reasons why you found your partner’s dating profile somewhere could be that they just didn’t delete the account properly.
However, there are always ways to find out if a dating profile is active.
To know if a dating profile is active you’ve got to check for:
- A recent picture on their profile.
- If you match it means they’re active, they’re swiping.
- Depending on the app/site a green dot may appear on their profile.
If you find their profile check for those three signs to indicate whether their profile is active or not.
Finding your partner on a dating app…
Knowing that your partner is using a dating app or site takes 6 ways:
- Talking to them.
- Checking their devices.
- Using third-party apps.
- Searching for them on Google.
- Creating a false account on dating apps.
- Asking for help from friends that are using online dating platforms.
Except for third-party apps, the rest of these ways to find out your partner is on dating apps/sites are for free and don’t cost you to try them out.
You’ve got this!
Best of luck,