The doubt, the thought of it can get overwhelming day after day. Right now, it’s uncertain, it’s loud and difficult to keep up with.
There are genuine and non-genuine ways to get rid of this horrible feeling: to finally find out if your boyfriend or spouse (husband) is on Tinder or not.
You can find out through a few methods, some healthy, some unhealthy, some take more effort some don’t. I’ve carefully listed each method below so that you can have a better understanding of each.
Here they are, 5 ways to find out if your boyfriend/husband is on Tinder:
1. Ask him whether he’s on Tinder or not
Find a calm way to talk your doubts to him. This is more of a mature way to solve this issue if you feel like having peace of mind.
Make sure you ask him in person. Pay attention to his body language, eye contact, tone of voice. Since you’re in a relationship with him, or some of you even married, you can tell when he lies.
Communicate your doubts to your partner, let him know what you’re thinking. A simple: “Baby, for some reason I have a feeling you’re on Tinder. I thought it was a good idea to talk it out with you, are you on Tinder?” will do.
2. Ask your friends to let you know if they see his profile while swiping
If you have friends that use Tinder, and they’re close to you, they’re friends you can trust, then tell them to let you know if they happen to see him on Tinder while they swipe. Even if they accidentally swiped left on Tinder, no worries they can find him again.
They can easily share his profile with you on email, WhatsApp, or anywhere really; or they can send you screenshots so that you have evidence.
3. Search him on Tinder through apps/sites designed for that purpose
For those of you wondering if you can search for someone on Tinder or not, the answer is yes. You can do that despite having a profile or not. There are third-party apps/sites that provide such services. A few of them are:
When you search for him, search for his name or something he’d go by on a dating app; put his age, and location correctly. Unfortunately, you have to pay for such services. Fortunately, some of them are not too expensive; which makes it an easy way to see if someone has Tinder.
Note: Before you do this, think if your spouse (or boyfriend) would use his real name or make a fake Tinder profile.
If you don’t feel like spending money on this, then:
4. Create a fake account and start swiping
Before we get into this, I’d like to let you know how time and effort consuming this is. Not to mention the problems it could bring you into the relationship, and the guilt you might feel afterward.
Yet, it is a way to find out if your boyfriend or husband is on Tinder, which helps in getting rid of your doubts. What you can do is go to tinder.com; or download the app on your phone. Then, once you open the account, adjust the preferences according to what his profile would be.
For example: if he’s 32, set your age range preferences 29-32; do the same for the location part, if he’s near or if you live together set the mile/km range as small as possible.
5. Check his devices: look for the app or tinder.com in his history
Yet another way to see if your boyfriend/husband is on Tinder; another unhealthy way I’d say.
I have to give you another warning on this one too. It can bring you problems into the relationship, there’s a lot of room for guilt however the situation turns out to be in the end.
You can know someone’s on Tinder if they’ve got the Tinder app on their phone, or if they have tinder.com on their recent browsing history.
Checking his devices is easier if you already know his passwords, which I’m sure most of you reading this do so.
Once you have access to his device/s look for the app (Tinder) on it/them. You can also check his browser history and look for tinder.com.
You can extend your search and see if your boyfriend might be using other dating apps.
If you find anything, you know what it means.
What can you do if you find him on Tinder?
Finding out that your husband/boyfriend is on Tinder can truly be overwhelming, it can make rational and reasonable thinking difficult, hence you’re left in doubt and dilemma about what to do and what not to do.
Here are a few things you can do about this:
First, have a moment on your own to breathe and calm down. It’s understandable to be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings when in such a situation. Take a moment to calm down, understand and accept it.
Then you’ll be ready to think it through; since anger, sadness, or other emotions in an overwhelming manner don’t help much with the quality of your thinking.
Second, see if your boyfriend/husband has been active on the app. A lot of people think that removing the app from the phone deletes their Tinder profile too. Hence their profiles are left wandering the app.
If there’s a green dot on his profile, and there’s “recently active” written close to his name, then he’s been active.
Also, look for recent pictures of him on his profile; or a bio that resembles more of the current lifestyle/mindset he has these days, rather than the ones he had 3 years ago.
Third, decide the whole situation. Once you’re calm and confirm if he is or is not active on the app, it’s time for you to make a decision.
I’m not going to tell you what to do in this case; this is up to you. Think of the outcome. How would it affect you right now, and how would it affect you in the future.
Fourth, let him know about your decision. Talk it through or ask him questions about it if you need closure. If you decided to walk away, that’s understandable too.
If you’re looking for ways to start such a conversation then here are a few examples:
- “Jessica told me she saw you on Tinder and there’s something I’d like to say about it…”
- “I was having my doubts, you told me you weren’t using the app, I saw that you were lying, and I found your profile. I’d like to know why you did this?”
- “I found out you’re on Tinder and I made a decision…”
- “I found your Tinder profile, I feel sad and hurt, I think I deserve an explanation on this.”
Make sure you let him know about it, and your reasons for leaving.
Why would your boyfriend/husband be on Tinder?
If he’s on Tinder he has his reasons for being there. There’s no sure way of knowing which is which unless he honestly tells you about it. Though, here are some common reasons why men in relationships/marriages keep going back on Tinder:
He’s looking for gratification. It’s his way of knowing “I’m still wanted by women”, his way of having a feeling that he’s got options, he’d be ‘fire in the game’.
As surprising as it sounds, Tinder is more than often used as a source of confidence and external validation.
He’s trying to find someone else. Let’s not kid ourselves, this is one of the fundamental reasons why a lot of men in relationships or marriages use the app.
Dating, hooking up, finding a partner is the main reason the app is created; of course, it’ll be used for exactly that.
He’s just looking at the other women, and the ‘possibilities‘ out there if he’d be single. He’s curious to know what’s out there in the single realm, and one of the ways to do so could be Tinder. It is strange, but it happens very often.
He’s using this as a way to fill some sort of void. Whether it is emotional or physical, he could be using Tinder as a way to find fulfillment in something ‘missing’ to him.
This does not justify his actions, nor does it leave room for you to blame yourself.